Whether with your friends or your significant other, it’s important to have a fair amount of give and take within a relationship. It’s a wonderful feeling to be taken care of. And also to take care of another person you care for. Whether it be in the form of picking up the tab, or picking you up from the airport. It’s important that it shakes out to be pretty even throughout the friendship or partnership. Not to say that everything will always be split equally, 50/50, on any given day or week. But it should amount to around that. Most importantly, whatever both parties are comfortable with. 

But when in a give and take relationship, do you keep a running tab on favors?

Obviously, it’s hard to say for every situation whether doing so is healthy or not. But generally speaking, you should be somewhat aware of the trade of favors between you and your friend or partner. But not in a way where it negatively affects the relationship. You shouldn’t be keeping a close tab on who did a favor last, or who has done more or less in general. Don’t be so nit-picky about it! Life tends to be messy and unorganized.

That being said, you should maybe evaluate the balance if you suddenly start feeling taken advantage of. If you are being asked a favor that seems too big or too many, too often, it’s OK to take a step back. Maybe say, “I think you’ve been asking a lot of me lately. Is everything OK?” and go from there.

Of course, every situation is different. And, if you find yourself in a situation that seems unequal, you should feel comfortable bringing up the subject with your friend or partner in a constructive way. But if that’s not the case, and relax! Feel free to use the part of your brain counting those favors to do more favors for the ones in your life who you love. You know what they say, the more you give the more you receive!