AZ Asks Tamela Duncan  About Isolation During Divorce

AZ Asks: Why do so many women feel a need to be isolated during separation and divorce?

TD: Even though statistics indicate that 52-64% of marriages end in divorce, women often think about themselves or their life as a failure. There are also social and religious taboos associated with divorce. So many will isolate themselves to keep from dealing with the emotional impact. Woman often do not get the support they need because they are frightened about telling “their” story. We need others to help us transition through this time but merely choose wisely. There are people who are willing to give encouragement and positive support, and that is what you want and need during this time.

AZ Asks: Why do some women prefer isolation during divorce?

TD: There are several reasons people prefer isolation during this time. Some are healthy some are not. Women typically fear rejection and are battling with low self-esteem issues. It is difficult to “face the world alone” as many have told me. They also report feeling “like a third wheel” or that others won’t understand. Some isolation is necessary for the healing process to occur. Time alone can be utilized to reflect, to grow to understand your circumstances and your part in it, and also to read and gain a higher sense of self-awareness. It is important to have alone time and companion time. As with anything in life, balance is the key.

AZ Asks: How do you know when isolation has moved from alone time to depression?

TD: Too much alone time often can and does lead to depression with most everyone. It is important for women who are going through a divorce to feel loved and supported. You cannot get that if you are continually isolated. If your alone time is spent laying around with low energy, negative self-talk, or feeling like a victim, most likely you are moving into depression. We can and should give love to ourselves by having positive or reflective alone time.

However, we also need time with others to laugh, to share, to dream and to begin looking at life as hopeful and joyous. Support helps us get back into the world as productive people. And lets us see that life goes on after divorce. If you feel yourself getting depressed, seek counseling  from a licensed therapist. They will help you move through your divorce and get on with your life. Happiness is so important when going through any life transition. We have the power to create the life we desire even during the divorce process.

We create our reality, so make sure it is one filled with happiness — Tamela Duncan

The opinions voiced in this material are for general information only. And are not intended to provide specific advice or recommendations for any individual.

 Answers from AZ

Tamela Duncan, LCSW is a practicing psychotherapist specializing in individual, relational and marriage therapy. She received her Bachelor’s degree from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro. And received her Master’s in Social Work from Florida State University. Prior to beginning private practice, she worked for years as a counselor/social worker in the Public Mental Health Sector.

She is a licensed clinical therapist. And is certified in Regression Therapy and has extensive training in spirituality, life coaching, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder and mood disorders. For over a decade, she has taught at UNCG’s Call Program. Tamela continues to provide workshops and classes open to the public.

She is also a talented musician/writer and created “Family Secrets.” This CD is used as a therapeutic composition for healing. Tamela’s focus is on enhancing the quality of life of individuals, groups, and communities by helping them reach their full potential. For more information contact her at tduncan10@triad.rr.com or (336) 275-7585.

Tamela Duncan is not affiliated with Zuraw Financial Advisors.