AZ asks:  How do we ReCreate Our Relationships?   Tamela Duncan’s response:

1)      Begin with self – Be the change you desire to see in the world. We spend our lives wanting those around us to be different. We want them to stop doing all those things that hurt us and make us feel miserable. Stop looking to the other person for change and become the change.

2)      Perspective Creates Reality – we see our life and life around us based on where we are and what we are experiencing. If we are in a bad space – a depressed space – that is the lens from which we are viewing our life. If you change your thoughts and change your perspective, you will change your life. Reality can and does shift our perspective. Create the reality by creating movement in your life (“We see things not as they are but as we are”  Meker Baber).

3)      Regrets – Let them go. What’s done is done and living in the past will only cause you pain in the present. Forgiveness to self and others is freeing. Even when you have been hurt unjustly, carrying it around will allow the perpetrator to continually cause you pain. Change your dramatic story about the past. Allow it to enhance your life and help you grow.

4)      Take Responsibility – Blaming others for your unhappiness will only make you more unhappy.  Own your own part.  Look at how you are showing up regardless of how and what the other person is doing. If you are engaging in unhealthy relationships with others (or even with one), look at yourself with regard to why you are staying with something that is not good for you.

5)      Create with consciousness – Are you living on the outside of your skin the way you desire from your heart? If you’re not pleased with how you are with yourself, others and the universe, make conscious changes. Life is constantly growing, changing and dying…allowing us to continuously ReCreate.

6)      Old Wounds – We all have them and we need each other to help clean them up. Life is a journey and all of us will hurt and be hurt along the way. It’s up to each individual what one does with their pains and suffering. I suggest we utilize them to help us become the best we can be. We can also allow pain to teach us compassion for others.

7)      Healthy Limits – Know when to say when!  Staying in something that is bad for you is not the other person’s problem –  it’s yours. If you continuously allow yourself to be maltreated you become a victim, you move toward guilt, self hate and blame – resulting in a vicious lifelong cycle.  Be the best you can be with self and others; if it is rejected WALK AWAY!

8)      Tell the Truth – Truth telling is freedom. The truth shall set you free. Not your illusion of the truth, or your judgment, opinion or half-truths, but the simple facts without your dramatic story. Start by telling the truth to yourself about yourself.

9)      Love – It’s the greatest gift on the planet – give and receive it freely, but be careful not to call things love that are not.  Also, accept and understand just like everything else on the planet, love constantly changes, evolves, grows and fades away.
 
Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud or rude. It does not demand its own way…

Tamela is also an extremely talented musician who created Family Secrets CD as a therapeutic composition for healing. As one reviewer eloquently put it, “The music and lyrics on Tamela Duncan’s CD, Family Secrets, are melodiously moving with words that, if you listen well, reach down into your very soul.”

For the past decade, she has taught at UNCG’s Call Program. Tamela gives workshops regarding spirituality, personal growth and emotional health/healing. She can be reached at tduncan10@triad.rr.com.

Tamela Duncan is not affiliated with Zuraw Financial Advisors, LLC.